Mourning Day

It was quite some time l sent my writing to a competition with a hope that l my name would be picked as one out 120 writers who writes for literacy book.

Today is the abm announcement day. I found my name wasn't stated there. It tore my heart. Is it because my writing low in quality? Is my writing not accepted by the competition committee? Many questions filled my head. This fact makes me reluctant to write another book to join a competition in ministerial of education. The theme is related to humans.

I imagine it will be more painful when again l fail and cause myself names me as one who has no ability im writing. My dream to be a writer ends.

Yet,  when l look back at the general experience.  Many people try more than once to gain what they want. I joined the competition once and l did not write seriously feels very frustrated to learn the fact that my writing is not categorized as nominee. I give up too easily.

Perhaps l must ask myself what l am looking for and search whether l do not satisfy with what l had reached so far. For some people, maybe, l must be a person who had many things to thank to. As l small teacher l could join many government activities and make me a little different from teachers in general.

Apart from all those reasons l wrote above and all logical things, this sad feeling is very real. I feel as if l have no tears that can depict my failure. I do not train myself to loose.  I always told myself to be strong and try my best.

Now, l only can swallow this bitter feeling alone.  I don't have any courage even to pronounce a sentence that tells my name is not on the list.
I must learn that perhaps l don't have a talent for writing l always think all these time.