It has been a week my left eye is bleeding. I accept it as normal as l can because l realize that my artificial eye ball will always brings problem for my eye lids. As the artificial eye ball has no oil as healthy-given eye ball, so l need to give articial tears. Again, artificial, as the name mentioned, is not a natural thing, articial tears always tear my nerve, artitical tears causes severe pain in my head. Meanwhile, mt eyelids will always hurt and bleed as it opens and closes slipping into the artificial dry eye ball surface. Bleeding will happen anytime.
The pain does not stop me from working. So today l go to school to work. I met teachers, not so many, as l arrived at 8.10 (my students are given GO seminar so my class is occupied). As l predict, no body cares (or it is only my feeling, as l am so fragile lately, 'need attention given, and wanted to be recognized zzzz'). I entered the teacher's office and directly met Pak Dani when lbu Rina came and asked me 'how are you' l gave her a long explanation how my eye bleed. I am not sure if she understands or at least pretend to undesrtand and pretend to care as well.
Two ar three teachers ask the same question. I gave the same answer, it was so bored repeating explanation meanwhile the explanations itself become an asnwer for lip service they give that l know well it is to glue social life. Then l end the chaos by focusing on document l should give to 12 MIPA 6. Nurul Siti, Naura, Alfira take their card.
In Indonesia we have what so called 'stale conversation' My conversation l made this morning is realy stale and stinky too. Often times l feel that l am not welcomed in my job place. It is not a secret that when l am not around l become the gossip topic. It is just like when l heard they gossip another school family member who is not around. Gossip is a filler for them, maybe.
Asking how are you is important for me. That question help me to believe that my existance is recognized. However, that question sounds bitter when the person you are asked and explained what happened but you didn't try to put her shoes in you. It is very stale indeed.
One more thing, when you informed people that you cannot go to work because you are sick. One of the response read 'l cannot say anything'
That response raises a question to me. Did l send a wrong message. Are you sick?
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