It is not my bussiness

The teachers and 12 graders are busy now. They are preparing for the farewell day tomorrow,  14 May 2018.

The WA grup of teacher announced that after graduation day, there will be a feast in Nurul restaurant to welcome first day of Ramadhan. But, other members said that it is better to repeat what they did last year: after graduation,  visit lbu Lilim, and end by eating together in Nurul. Ibu Lilim is a teacher who is sick but no doctor can cure it. As myths that is believed still standing,  she  hear and see something in her house, the sound is so real but nothing there. I think, it is psychological disturbance and need a doctor for it not a healer or clever man.
No one think that she should see mental health doctor or perhaps people are too afraid if one go that kind of doctor will be called 'crazy'

The activities after graduation becomes more complicated when a teacher mentioned Pak Dani who is not able to join the eating session. Then everybody reacts that this year everyone should help tidying the building used for graduation then go to Bu Lilim and end by going to eat. One teacher frustratingly said it is better not to make eating party. Many thoughts more chaos.

I myself busy handling lden who tries to get a job in Alfamart. He said that he had sent the application but the phone number is blocked. Phone number becomes problem lately. Informations Minister demands all civilian to register their phone number.

Another students also complain that they do not get the graduation invitation card. It means l must go to school and fetch the card, and meet the student in the graduation building.

At the same time Miracle is frustrating  writing an essay about teacher distribution. Meanwhile,  Yankie is occupied with dream being a legislative member. He listen to orator that provoke Prabowotl to be a president.

Is today your birthday?

I am not a popular girl when l was at my first grade of my senior high. I can still remember how my existence at the class is considered meaningless.

That day, my friend named Ajat talked to me. It almost never happened that male students talked to me for any reason. My physical appearance becomes unaccepted as my left eye blind. I can undesrtand that.  Many of new students try to find a perfect friend, physically as the first list.

I usually sat alone or sometimes with a girl who was also not popular. I forgot her name. What l remember is that she has long straight hair, she is from southeren part of Cianjur which means villager. She was super shy, never talked.
I did not care much about having friend or not. I care more to my education and be successful student.  However,  l am not so smart comparing to rest member of the class. I sit in the middle rank amongst my friend,  25 out of 45. My physical condition and my sick eye drive me behind in studying.

Back to the day Ajat talked to me. He tried to make a conversation. I can see his uncomfortable when he is talking. I guess he is afraid being found that he talked to me, an unpopular and a freak.

I did not remember why the talk come to birthday. I said that today is my birthday. He looked very surprised.  How his stupid talk makes him owe to say happy birthday. I myself feel weird. Never in my life one asked my birthday. I am invisible.

The talk about my birthday end nowhere. He mever talks to me again. Perhaps he is afraid that whatever he said will owe him something in the end. I do not think about having more talk with him or another student. Inferior causes me want to talk to no one.

I remember this talk as l read a chapter that its title 'when is your birthday?'

You fee being ignored

I approached him.  He is busy with paper and cutter making a chest cover for dancer. He is an art teacher. He do a lot of things to show his creativity and talent in art, often times he forgets to teach and meet his students. He do things which are not his area such as coloring dust bin to kill his time during his teaching time. He loves doing what he wants, but not teaching.

Once he confeseed that he won't teach if the schedule isn't made as his will. I think his idea to have teaching schedule as he wants sound impossible to realise. There 100 teachers in this school and of course it is hard to facilitate him to have schedule as he thinks it is nice for him alone.
Since then, l always find him sitting in his desk doing cutting,  or telephoning. I said nothing as his temper is not easy to deal with.

Yesterday he talked to me about his feeling being left behind anf abandoned. He said perhaps that he is about to retire that's why no one asked him to do school activity.  He is a bit mad when he is not included into farewell committee. I said to him that perhaps everyone give him time to enjoy his last time at school (after years not teaching even he is at school).

This morning,  l found out that he complained the same issue in school group.  He said that he isn't asked to participate in farewell agenda as committee. I pounted his text.  Why he does not enjoy what he has and not bothering what is settled by others.

People have to understand that there is time when you are asked to just become a watcher. And enjoy that role nicely.

I learn English through reading

English is a foriegn language for me. My first engagement with English is when l was at junior high.  My three years at that school level donored nothing to my English.  I can say that l get nothing from my once -80 minutes meeting a week with my English teacher.  l understand nothing. I learn nothing.  Worse,  l do not even remember that there was English as my subject.

When l was at senior high,  l get English lesson too. Once my English teacher gave a book entitled  A short history if  the world. I barely understand what the book is about.  Every page that l tried to read, l found out that l did not understand almost 80% of what l read. This situation worsens as l do not read any book in English as that time magazine, books are very rare and expensive too.

Now, l live in a digital life. English is everywhere.  Digital book, digital story and many more.  However, still l have problem understanding the Jakarta Post,  an English Newspaper. I can measure that 40% of the text that l cannot understand.

Learning English in a country where you hear none of English used, read none of text in English, speak no words in English, sometimes it is frustrating.  It drives me to dream living in a country where English is its first language.  A year living there will make my English big different.
It is just a dream.

Following what is available, to learn English is by reading.  I try to read everyday. It takes around one to two hours per day. I do not read tje Jakarta post, as sometimes l find it difficult to digest the text and the newspaper also hard to find. I read what l can understand.

Reading what you can undestand help you to learn a foreign language. When you force yourself to read a piece of writing that 80% you don't understand it injuries your learning spirit. Now,  l read Wattpad. A digital book that provide many book written by beginner writer. The book mostly fiction, but it is fine. I understand about 90% what l read.

By reading what l understand,  l learn how native use words to support communication and share ideas.

It is not too late to learn.  I believe what l do now is a right method for my English. 

Your place is not here

A boy with red swelling eyes see me. He said that he feels being cornered by his own historian teacher. The teacher said that all white men are mean. All Christians are sinner and causes our country in a miserable situation. We must hate white men, Christian,  also all west people.

He said that he cannot bear the condition when the teacher is saying thosw things his eyes are all on him as if he is not  right to be in his class as he is a Christian. He does not understand wht religion and skin color can cause a nation in suffer. He had done nothing as he confess he has no power to do anything including making people to go to hell or paradise.

The teacher is like blaming him for being a Christ and go to this school. He does want to dissapear and hear that rubbish anymore. He said that he is helpless because he is a minority student and force to show no effort to defend hinself. He does not want to go to school.  Uet, what should he do if he doesn't go to school.

A week passes by, he stays at home. His parents asked him what's wrong, he said those things. His parents as teacher knows that in the lesson there is no teaching about hating white man or blaming for being a Christ. His parents talks to his homeroom teacher.  Unfortunately, the homeroom teacher jumps to a silly conclusion. The boy should move from this school. 
The parents feel confused why should his son leave the school not finding the fact what's wrong with the teacher. His son is not the only boy who feels offended and afraid, but other minorities students too.

The parents try to find for a solution and meet the principal.  The principal has the same decision as the homeroom teacher. They noy then moves.
This solution raises a question why a government school can not protect and nurture minority student?

The time is yours

My son wakes up early. He said that he has the last final semester test today. His school apllies five day school week, but today is an exception. This Saturday will be his only day that schools opens for test. School opens only till Friday.
He does not study, read, nor do activities that represent learning (reading or practicing lesson). His time is filled by game and maybe online chatting.

I myself have come to realize that this is my first day that l am home and the time is really mine. I am usually given time by the moderator or MC. He will say "time is yours" then l will have 2 to 3 hours for myself to speak to the audience.  It is my time, but my time is alloted by other.

I feel like flying as my time is really mine. I can use it without the control of the moderator. I can speak,  l can alos not speak, l can answer my own  question,  l can  listen  to my questions too.

For others, what l said above may sound funy. But for me, who always have time given by the MC or moderator, this time is so different. l always be borrowed time by the committee. During that borrowed time, my brain, my act,  my words are not for my purpose.

Now,  l feel a bit confused how to  spend my day when no schedule given.  I can say, l am used to being scheduled. Well, l can start using my own time with washing clothes, dishes,  cutting grass, and then conrinue reading My life with Write boys.

Mira is here this Saturday. She joins scout activities.  I think, she is trying to enjoy her teenage life by making frienda from all walk of life. Sometimes l am worried that she is trapped by modern but harmful life. I always tell myself that the world out there is dangerous and full of intrigue.

My husband is going to Bandung to join gathering party. He must be responsible for ten of man as audience for party big meeting. His leaving makes me learn new thing. In a party there is a kind of fake big mass meeting.  The people who gathered and yell the glory of a party is a setting and planned.

Time which is an expensive commodity for me becomes useless when l spend it only for analyzing what my husband  do with his time. Then, to make my time effective, now, l start cutting grass and at the samwme time let the washing machine spins.

Do you agree to be an author?

Many things can happen in a short time and it may change your life forever. A few hours ago l feel so helpless and brainless as my 'Cianjur Culture' writing failed to be candidate for students reading book.

I read a Wattpad novel 'My life with the Walter's Boys' written by a teenager named Ali. The novel is written in five years.  It is quite long eh? But the author has interesting pay for her long and hard work. Her Wattpad version is now invited into a book, a film, and a tv series. It is a dream that comes true for all author when their works can be acceptable in every platforms and meet heterogeneous audience.

Wattpad becomes my running field when l feel sad. Many young writers who try their luck there.  My eyes are still on Wattpad page when an email notification pop up. Subject "Becoming youthquake with local genius". My mind goes back to the time when l presented my research in University of Suryakencana Cianjur. I forget whether l gave my full paper or not. However, the title of my research curious me.

When l opened the email, it was from a digital publisher based in Singapore offers me to write a book based on my research range from 42 to 700 pages. I feel so overwhelmed.  How can my writing goes and be detected by OmniScriptum that dedicates to scientific works written in English. It says that their books are distributed worldwide through well known shops such as Amazon, Morebooks, Hachette. Is this real?

My mind cannot digest this fact. Slowly, l can feel  inconfident crawl in me. My ability in Enlish is just so so. My ability in writing is also average. I do not dare to say yes l agree to be OmniScriptum author for my writing ability is low.

In second and hour,  many that happen. I sometimes do not understand what time actually offers me. The rapid changing from one second to another causes me to juat stand still and do not know what to do.